How to live with a Neurotic Band Nerd
by TalksLikeJin
Summary: Lets face it, band nerds are neurotic. But how do you live with them? How do they end up this way? And can it be cured? Read to find out.


Hello people who shall read my story! I thank you for actually clicking on it and deciding to read it, unless your one of my friends who's reading this because they knew about it thank you. Ok, I was inspired to write this after reading the How to Live with a Neurotic Dog book by….I'll remember his name soon, don't worry. So anyways READ AND REVIEW! AND DON'T FLAME ME TOO BAD IT'S MY FIRST STORY!

Chapter 1 What Makes a Band Nerd Neurotic?

We must, first of all try to understand the neurotic band nerd. Our understanding of then is the key to their happiness, if not our own.

There is a reason for everything a band nerd does. In their opinion, these reasons are valid whether we, the family members think so or not. If, for example, they come home after band practice, flop on the bed and instantly fall asleep, there is a reason for this: they are exhausted.

Many band nerds are neurotic, especially in this country. Today, the band nerd population in the United States is about two million. Out of this, about two million are neurotic-a conservative estimate.

Today many band nerds' lives are under more pressure then ever before, they have very busy schedules. Chores confront them every waking moment of the day, straining them to their physical and mental limits.

When first starting out at band camp as freshmen they have few, if any emotional problems. Not yet having to suffer at band camp before, they are optimistic about the future. As with any freshmen it is only later in the day that problems start to arise-say a minute or two after meeting the staff and student leaders.

One thought that comes to mind after a first experience with a running block is water. In this they discover their staff is very stingy with the water breaks, so their chances at water or shade aren't coming very often.

The more experienced the band nerd, the more they realize what they are up against. Whenever they look to the sideline they see alternates that greatly resemble them; they can come in at the word of the staff. This is a horrific discovery that they can be replaced.

Reminding the band nerd of their inadequacy are the past and present heroes whose accomplishments dwarf their own. The drum major who at the end of his first season could flawlessly march and play the show backwards, blindfolded and with no Dr. Beat-quite unusual for a freshmen. He is followed by many other great figures like your section leader, the trumpet showboat and the sax dude with all the solos. In such a great band who wouldn't suffer from a bruised ego?

Bigger, if not better then the band nerd is the Band Director.

Band programs make severe demands on the band nerds. The staff accepts that mostly on hearsay, the premises that they have full control over the band nerds and like to live that way. For the band nerd, that is highly debatable and most say the reverse holds truth. They, the band nerds are in control.

Unless the band nerd evolves into a student leader, which most are never going to do, they shall forever (or until they graduate or quit) be at the mercy of their staff. The ability to stand on the drum major podium enables the director to stare down at the band, disdainfully if so inclined. This view gives the director a sense of superiority, a state of mind that would make him a difficult, if not impossible person to work with.

Even to the inexperienced freshmen band nerd it becomes obvious that tier main problem in life is and always will be, their director. Because he uses the golf cart to get around he can get from point A to point B faster then the band nerd. For example, he can drive his golf cart from the practice field to the parent's car to report unruly behavior before the band nerd can cover up.

Band nerds' instinct and common sense; tell them that splash breaks are good all day long.

But of course, in typical band director fashion, they cling to the notion that band nerds should be on some kind of watering schedule. Directors insist on giving splash breaks twice and hour, instead of all hour.

Band nerd's natural habitat is in the shade in a comfy position, preferably with an ice cold drink. An unknown sense of self-preservation and common sense tells them this is where they belong. Many band directors, ignorant of the physical and emotional needs of their band nerds, constantly interrupt their splash breaks, thinking the band nerd doesn't need them, which the director knows to be untrue.

It is reasons such as these that the band nerds learn early on during band camp they must depend on their intellect, rather then abilities. They accept the fact that time has made directors larger and rasher creatures that use their sheer size to make their point, however stupid it may be. But the band nerd knows that physical prowess puts the director at only a temporary advantage, and in the long run the band nerd's superior reasoning power will win in the end. And so, quietly but with remarkable results, band nerds fight a continues war with band staff. In the process they do eventually become neurotic. So does the marching band staff.

Stephen Baker, that's his name! He's the guy who wrote the book that inspired me, and he needs the credit to this. So, did you like it? No? To bad, review anyways because more will come…when I feel like it! Peace out!


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